


Phantom Troupe Slice of Life

by Ao3_Vi



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Cooking Lessons, Eventual Fluff, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24460099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ao3_Vi/pseuds/Ao3_Vi
Summary: Feitan uses some creative, unusual methods to achieve his plan.
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	1. The old warehouse kitchen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LeoOtherLands](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/gifts).



> This is the first work I uploaded here and I want to say thanks to dear Leo for encouraging me to write it. So yeah, that this story is online, is Leo's achievement.
> 
> Ratings may change. Feel free to read and hopefully enjoy the story :)
> 
> Character mentions only set for these who have some larger parts in the story.
> 
> End notes contain slight spoilers, so please read them after the story :)

The old warehouse they had picked as their meeting point was rundown. It was overall L shaped and the long side of the building was filled with empty, torn boxes and rusting equipment. The smaller side round the corner had an open-area kitchen combined with some tables and chairs, functioning as restroom for the former workers. Now however, the paint was cracking, leaving the walls barren at some areas. Through the cracked ceiling window, raindrops made their way through, falling apart on the ground with a small rippling noise, whispering their echo through the building. With them came the moist smell of fresh rain, getting carried in with the wind. Apart from that, the building was mostly silent. The Phantom troupe members never spoke much, when waiting for the boss to give further orders. Shizuku was sitting in the corner on one of the more or less intact boxes, her feet dangling some centimeters above the ground, her nose deep in a magazine. Shalnark, Nobunaga and Kortopi were playing cards. The others sat around, busy with their own thoughts. The boss was reading near one of the windows, further detailing their plan.

Machi set her gaze on the figure opposite of the room. He was loosely chained to the pipes. The risk of him escaping undetected was low with all troupe members around, so even if he was a nen user, he’d stand no chance. He was a banker and by order of the boss, they had kidnapped and brought him back here. The next heist would be in the online world. Shalnark was co-leading the operation and they only needed some information from the banker. She nearly pitied him, but expected that at least it would be over fast, he would spill. They were talking about Feitan’s skills after all.  
A loud rumbling got her attention and she looked at Uvogin. Another smaller rumble followed. Apparently both, Uvo and Phinks, were hungry and that meant the mood would drop soon. If they are hungry, they knew neither friend nor foe.

‘Yada, yada’ sighed Feitan and rose from his sitting position. ‘Danchou, I start now, I done soon. Hungry Uvo and Phinksy is no good. Once I finish we go eat’. He shifted over to the banker and harshly broke the chains. A whimper resounded from the banker’s lips as Feitan grabbed his jacket and pulled him past Shizuku, back into the smaller area where he shoved him into one of the chairs. Having nothing better to do, Phinks followed suite and sat down in one of the other chairs.  
Shizuku blinked in confusion. ‘Why would he drag the banker into the kitchen?’ Bono tilted his head towards the direction Shizuku looked at ‘Probably hot water therapy. At least we don’t need to watch it. Would ruin my appetite’. Shizuku kept her gaze on Feitan’s figure and watched him file through different cupboards. Feitan rummaged through the shelves, deriving pots, knives, forks and other things he deemed useful for his plan. The clattering and rattling of said activities echoing through the whole warehouse. When the clattering had stopped, the troupe members noticed the subtle sound of boiling water. Bono must have been right, thought Shalnark, while placing another playing card on the pile in front of him ‘I say 12’. Kortopi checked Shal’s face and grabbed the card to reveal a 7. Shalnark sighed and gathered the cards, playing with Kortopi was always tough, he seemed to know exactly when Shal was bluffing.

Suddenly they heard several staccato cracks, followed by a whimper. Feitan must have decided to go for bone braking. They recognized the voice of the banker, stating he would spill nothing. Another long-drawn crack. Feitan started laughing. Everyone knew he liked torture, but usually he did not laugh during the process, something must be odd. Shizuku long ago had put away her magazine to watch the action in the kitchen and hummed ‘Don’t worry about all the blood drops and splinters, my Blinky will clean it. Feel free to make a mess’. Feitan nodded quickly to Shizuku, acknowledging for proposal and positioned the kitchen knife on the banker’s belly and pushed a little. He was drawing more blood and this was when he spilled, giving them all the information Feitan wanted to know.  
After the banker’s monologue, there was another cracking sound. The troupe members then heard Phinks’ voice, sounding slightly agitated ‘Feitan… stop... this is too much. This is not needed’. Nobunaga rushed over to see what was going on, why on earth would Phinks want Feitan to stop? Did they try out some crazy new game? Sure the banker had spilled already, but most of the times this did not stop Feitan from going until the very end. Nobunaga saw what was going on and stopped cold. Another crack and Feitan’s maniacal laughter at the look on Phinks’ face. Nobunaga drew his katana ‘Feitan, there are boundaries and laws even you need to obey’. Feitan’s laughter stopped and he squinted his eyes at Nobunaga ‘you not know anything, it for the survival of the spider. What does not fit, is made to fit’. The boss, by now, had also made his way to the kitchen and leaned against a nearby wall, obviously amused with the scene, but ready to intervene should the fight escalate. Feitan then grabbed another stack and placing his other hand at the end of the stack, started to bend it, slowly, as if daunting, while still squinting deadly at Nobunaga. Phinks tried to reason again ‘Listen Feitan, we’re good ok, you don’t need to do this, we will get what we need also at some other place’. Feitan further bent the stack, crack crack crack, came the staccato sound and he carelessly threw the pieces into the pot he had positioned on the stove. ‘You hungry Phinks, I cook and pot is small even so is largest here’. Nobunaga, accepting that it had no use in arguing with Feitan at this point, sighed and sheathed his sword. ‘Alright, you keep on finishing that, but please, in the future, do not, in any case anymore, break apart Spaghetti. It’s a culinary no-go, alright?’ Feitan only tsked at him and finished cooking the spaghetti, which he had known to be in one of the cupboards from his screening the warehouse for its suitability as hideout. 

In the end Nobunaga further lectured Feitan on how he could not be in his right mind to serve dry spaghetti without any sauce or oil and Shal subsequently registering him for a cooking class, but this is a story for another day.

I hope you enjoyed it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think about the nice little plot-twist?
> 
> Poor little Feitan, his creative idea does not sit well with the members.


	2. The cooking class

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As indicated in the previous chapter, the cooking class drabble became reality.  
> Feitan, Shalnark, Phinks and Franklin attend it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The troupe cooks chili con carne, what could go wrong?

Shalnark had really done it, he had managed to drag Feitan, as well as Phinks and Franklin into the cooking class, he had them registered for. For Feitan though, he had required a little bit of assistance from his antenna, which he had removed after they had arrived at the kitchen and it certainly did not sit well with the Troupe’s torturer. He was a dark broody, little moodball, glaring daggers at Shal, Nen flaring occassionally and the latter was beyond glad that Franklin had his hands on Fei’s shoulders, else Shal was sure there would be carnage despite the No-fight rule between members. The other participants had huddled away from the four as far as the cooking places allowed, awkwardly stealing gazes into their direction.  
When the cooking teacher finally appeared with the ingredients, she was likely distracted by the weird group. A giant, a figure glad in black, a guy with a pharaoh like head-piece and a rather normal looking person in between a far circle to the other participants. She surely had had more harmonious groups before, she thought to herself, while putting the ingredients on the table on front of her. “Good afternoon everyone, welcome to the cooking class. Today I have brought many lovely ingredients and I would like you to form groups of five… or no, let’s say four, four is absolutely fine” she laughed nervously. She had planned for groups of five, but who else would want to voluntarily join the four apocalyptic riders in the middle of the room? Four was much safer, she would just split the ingredients somehow.  
“So, today we will be making chili con carne. For this I have brought some beef, which we will grind, beans, corn, tomatoes and of course some chili. As side, we will bake some lovely soda bread. Please form groups and come ahead to get your ingredients”.  
Shal and some other persons stepped forward and gathered the ingredients. Back at their place, he divided the stuff, placing the meat in front of Franklin, smiling “If it’s you, we likely don’t need the meat grinder, right? Fei, you can later let off your steam on the tomatoes, ok? And Phinks you could start with the Soda bread. We also need to prepare the beans, corn and chili in the meantime.” Letting the meat and tomatoes rest for a while, Franklin, Fei and Shal started to peel the beans and corn, then cut the chili, meanwhile Phinks busied himself with the bread dough.  
“Shal, is this stuff supposed to be so sticky? You could either suffocate someone with that or use it on construction sites as mortel” Phinks argued while holding the somewhat wet mass towards Shal. “Gimme that, I try with Shal, will muffle cries good” said Feitan, reaching his hands out for the dough. “Oi, stop that, that’s not how you use the bread dough. You need to bake it first. Stay away from me, Phinks, Feitan!!” laughed Shalnark, while casually ducking behind Franklin. “Fine, we bake first, then muffle you with it. Phinks, hurry and put in oven. I now cut tomatoes”. On that note Feitan unsheathed his katana and slashed, without much care for the table beneath, at the tomatoes in front of him. Soon after they were laid out in fine, accurate pieces.  
The other participants had stopped their ministrations and stared at Feitan in confused, horrified states. Franklin rose his hands in a calming way “We only ran out of small knives, all is well. Keep on cooking”. The participants including the teacher were not really calmed by the statement, but all continued where they had previously stopped, not wanting to draw unwanted attention from the group, nevertheless the quick, worried glances at them increased.

“Alright, the bread goes into the oven and tomatoes, chili, corn and beans we put into the pot” conversed Shalnark, imitating TV cooks. “Franklin, can you please take care of the meat and grind it? It should be finely mashed”. Addressed person took out the meat grinder and when he wanted to push the meat in, felt a soft tug at his jacket. Feitan had grabbed it. He wore a big grin hidden behind his bandana and his proposal came muffled “You use this, will go fast to grind and is fun”, with that he made a motion with his hands, angling his finger cups, symbolizing Franklin’s finger guns. Franklin rubbed his chin “I can’t use that in here if we want to continue to cook in peace”. Feitan’s head dropped and he pulled his bandana even further into his face. “Party pooper. Cooking class no fun”. “Besides, I doubt it would work on the meat” countered Franklin. “Not know until try and Shal said we no need meat grinder if it’s you”. “I doubt that he referred to that specifically”. “If Danchou here, he would like. Try if works”. “Fine, whatever, I will show you that it won’t work”.

People ran out of the kitchen, screaming their lungs out. Vegetables were left off half cut, pots remained on the stove, their contents slowly bubbling in front of them, plates had found their way onto the floor in the frenzy in which people had rushed out. Mere seconds after the ill-treatment on the meat had started, the four guys were left alone, hearing the now faint screams as people ran out of the building, evacuating onto the walkway downstairs. The process itself did in fact not help much in the grinding process but had both Shalnark and Phinks hold their bellies from laughing out loud. “What on earth were you thinking?” breathed out Phinks. “I thought it was your idea. It could only come from you, Phinks” replied Shal. “Nah, this time I’m innocent as a sheep, only responsible for the bread…by the way, this is not baking at all… I forgot to turn on the stove. We need more heat”. Feitan nodded. “Heat, ok. I give”.

„Pain Packer“ – „Rising Sun“  
...

Chrollo stood in front of the debris of what was formerly known as the community center. What was left of it was still smoking heavily, some stones glowing red from the heat in them. From the distance, sirens where already heard, approaching fast.  
Facing his four spiders he asked “Anyone care to explain how this happened? You only attended a simple, f****** cooking event and not some high-class demolition course!?” He now gestured towards the ruins. “When I came around to pick you up I certainly did not expect….this”.  
“Well…. It all started with bread baking…” mumbled Phinks.  
“Oven’s fault, bread needed heat to bake. Center looks better now anyway. I hungry, food burnt, we go eat, Danchou?” said Feitan and sauntered off, humming happily.  
Chrollo facepalmed himself, shaking his head in resign “Keep your explanations, I feel I don’t really want to know… Let’s go, guys. We better feed our little Spaghetti-Monster before he burns down even more. Shal, you'll erase the participant list from the servers”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the little drabble :)


End file.
